home opener, photo by joe medolo


Four teams entered Shriners Auditorium on June 15, but only two could win. The Cosmos beat the Arkham Horrors 237-118; MVPs were Hard Core (Cosmos) and Craisy Dukes (Horrors). The Nuts defeated the Wicked Pissahs 270-178; MVPs: Crown Joules (Nuts) and Knuckle Sammy (Pissahs).


It’s the moment roller derby fans have been waiting for… the start of the 2013 home team season! And we have a heck of a season lined up for you. 2013 marks the debut of our BRAND NEW fourth home team! They harnessed the dark power of interdimensional travel to come here, and will stop at nothing until they win the Fez Cup for their ancient masters. But not if our Cosmonaughties, Wicked Pissahs, and Nutcrackers have anything to say about it.

That’s right: Our home opener features all FOUR of our home teams battling it out at Shriners Auditorium in Wilmington, MA. Doors open at 4PM, and the first game starts at 5PM, as our new team tries to take on last year’s interstellar third place finishers, the Cosmonaughties.

But the spacebrain has meditated long and hard over the winter, and its 2013 team is supercharged and ready for action. Space Invader and Tiny Dancer are the captains of this starship, which includes thirteen returning Cosmos and four new cadets that are out of this world: Hard Core, Coopa Troopa, She-Bear, and Tears for Phearsome.

The fourth home team has an impressive roster all their own, having lured a former member of the spacebrain over to the dark side: Hayley Contagious captains alongside former Nutcracker Wanda Herchu. With them are twelve skaters from this mysterious alternate dimension, along with longtime Providence skater Craisy Dukes and former MARD member Flyin’ King.

After the Cosmonaughties and the fourth home team duke it out, we recommend getting a snack and a beer and gearing up for a rematch of last year’s championship game. That’s right: Your three-time Fez champions, The Wicked Pissahs, meet the Nutcrackers on the track once more at 7PM.

Both the Pissah and Nutcracker lineups are much changed from last year, as ladies have hung up their gold chains and tutus for adventures elsewhere. But both teams have some fantastic new skaters and are ready to rumble.

Familiar Pissahs Neurotic Tendency and Ubee Trounced are your captains for 2013, bringing with them several familiar faces and four new rookies sure to rep the Pissah spirit. Don’t miss seeing Call Me Mayhem, Shock Tart, The Gun Show, and Truant in action!

However fancy the Pissahs’ new rookies might be, the Nutcrackers want revenge for last year’s defeat, and they have an ace squad with which to do it. This year, it’s Belle Air Bomber and Crown Joules captaining the ladies from the Académie, and they’ve brought on four new ballerina bruisers: Betty Swoop, EmNasty, Mandoline Slicer, and Pegasister.

General admission tickets are $16 for adults, $12 for kids 6-13. Kids under 6 admitted FREE! Trackside tickets get you the best seats in the house, closest to the action! All tickets include admission to both games, and admission to the after party with the Dames, on the premises!

Doors open at 4PM
5PM – First bout (4HT vs Cosmonaughties)
7PM – Second bout (Nutcrackers vs Wicked Pissahs)

After the games, head on over to the Fez Room to see the MVP awards presented and to get down with the Dames on the dance floor!

No refunds or exchanges, sorry! Online ticket sales end Thursday night at 11:59PM, so don’t dally!

Home Team Expo