The second Boston Derby Dames bout of the 2014 home team season pits the Arkham Horrors agains the Cosmonaughties!  Last time these two teams faced each other was at last year’s championships, which the Horrors won by ONE POINT!

Right out of the gate, the Cosmos took a 14 point lead and both teams fully stocked the penalty box.  In jam 3 both walls of blockers went down in a dog pile and Rainbow Crash arose and rushed ahead, claiming four points for the Horrors before she called it off.  The Cosmos got the points back in the next jam, when Space Invader blocked skating forwards and backwards paving the way for Elle Elle Cool Jam to get through and become lead jammer.  We saw a few recurring jammer-on-jammer match ups in this bout, with Arkham Horror Flyin’ King repeatedly facing off against Cosmonaughtie HardCore.  This time, HardCore charged through and secured an early lead for the Cosmos, 22-4.

HardCore jamming

Horrors Trauma and Captain Hook made a great blocking pair, allowing MC SlamHer to get lead jammer and retaliate with a few points.  In jam 7, Flyin’ King got an explosive start and was ahead of the pack before anybody even noticed she was there.  Jam 8 saw another dog pile where the entire pack fell down before either jammer got out, we saw a lot of floor work in this game.  HardCore called it off while skating backwards, and the score was 28-10, Cosmos.

Jamming next was Jackie KO for the Cosmos and KC Wastem for the Horrors – Jackie got stuck behind the increasingly effective defensive tornado of America Ferocious, Hook, Hayley Contagious, and Rainbow Crash.  KC took lead jammer and called it off after both team got their digs in, with the score rising to 28-15.

Cosmo newbie Nora Morse got lead jammer, and next we saw Flyin’ King take lead jammer with a beautiful apex jump.  The Cosmos’ defense is on point tonight, as we saw when Space Invader, Jackie KO, and Frenchie von Knuckles teamed up to hold back the jammer.

Elle jamming
♫ I woke up like this ♫

In jam 16, Elle got out way ahead and celebrated with an apex jump!  So many apex jumps.  Much wow.  She called it off after a spectacular dive, leaving the score 48-24.  The Cosmos seems to hit a hot streak, taking lead jammer one after another, and blockers like Phearsome, Bad Ass Mama, Dirty Water, and Tiny Dancer helped make it happen.  I love watching a sport where every so often a tumble occurs and there are athletes all over the floor.

As the Horrors and the Cosmos traded points, we saw King out in front shouldering her way through the pack, Elle crouched behind her like a tiger stalking its prey.  When Hardcore is on the jammer line she usually starts sideways and is gone before you even blink, but in jam 20 KC Wastem beat her through.  Jam 21 was the first power jam of the night (Wooo!) and MC Slamher took advantage, bringing the Horrors 10 points closer to catching up to the Cosmos.  KC Wastem got lead and looked like she was going to do some damage in jam 23, but a vicious runback by Shayna Nestor kept her off the track.  It’s brutal to watch the jammer get out of the pack only to get sucked back in again.

The last two jams before halftime were intense, we saw aggressive blocker-on-blocker action from both sides, the pack was so dynamic Elle and America both barely stayed on their feet as they flew through time after time.  The Horrors did a great job staying together as a unit in the next one, while the Cosmos drew themselves into a line to extend their pack.  The first half ended at 108-50, Cosmonaughties.

Halftime, you know what that means!  POPCORN!  And let’s take a second to appreciate our lovely officials, because we couldn’t play derby without them.

lovely officials
They’re bringing stripes back.

Back to the action!  Fuzzta Rhymes and Captain Hook worked together to hold HardCore back while MC Slamher scored some points, and then we saw Tiny Dancer land a gorgeous hit on King, who stayed in bound by the grace of her toe stops.  The Horrors got a few power jams, but scoring stayed low until jam 35: Space Invader vs. Rainbow Crash on the jammer line – Space bounded through but got caught in a nasty pile-up on her first scoring pass and got sent to the penalty box, leaving Crash to rack up 16 points for the Horrors in a POWER JAM!  When Space was freed from the box she quickly got 12 points back, and when the dust settled the score was 122-83. 

There was one exciting jam after another.  King and Hardcore practically touching as they raced around the track, and Hayley Contagious handled a couple Cosmo blockers all on her own.  A scary moment happened in jam 37 when Della Kinetic of the Horrors went down with an ankle injury, and Badonkey Kong at the mic reminded us that in derby the saying is, “It’s not if you get hurt, but when.”  Della appeared to be okay as she was helped off the track.

Cosmo blocking was looking sharp in jam 38 as Nestor and Space trapped the jammer.  The Cosmos were on a lead jammer roll, broken in jam 40 when Elle made it past the purple pack just behind KC Wastem.  In jam 41 we saw something interesting, the Horrors blockers chose to start farther up at the pivot line, segregating the teams into two distinct packs.  More Cosmos get lead jammer, including Nora Morse, HardCore, and Elle Elle Cool Jam, but then Flyin’ King got a power jam and absolutely crushed it, earning 20 points for the Horrors, bringing it to 143-109.

Rainbow Crash vs. Hard ore is an intimidating matchup, the Cosmo took lead jammer while Space caught Rainbow in a massive runback.  The next two jammers, Elle and King, showed off agility and beautiful footwork.  Next we saw MC Slamher up against Nora Morse, and SlamHer sliced through the pack and scored nine points.

The lead got smaller as the Cosmos and Horrors duked it out with only a few jams to go – at one point, the Cosmos were only up by 23 points – but Cosmo defense got tighter as the end drew near, and at the end of the night the official score read 176-151. 


There was some incredible footwork tonight.  HardCore mohawked down the line more times than anybody could count, and at one point after King received a strong hip hit and managed to stay in-bounds, I heard someone in the crowd shout, “She’s got magic feet!”  That’s derby for you.

August 11: Arkham Horrors vs. Cosmonaughties